More Than Just a Ceremony

As the first same-sex unions took place in the marble-clad interior of Borough Hall on Sunday, many tears were shed—mostly from joy at an occasion that, for many couples, was decades in the making. 

However, for Marianne Nicolosi, witness to the marriage of in the building's second floor Courtroom, the tears came not just from a place of jubilation, but of loss and remembrance as well. 

Nicolosi, executive director of the Brooklyn Community Pride Center, lost her partner of 25 years to Hodgkin's Lymphoma eight years ago—approximately around the time New Paltz Mayor Jason West first officiated over New York's first gay marriages, kicking off a debate that culminated in to approve same-sex unions.

As it turned out, it was a debate that started too late and lasted far too long for Nicolosi and her partner, Mary Ellen.

"She would have been overjoyed that it was happening and that it was happening here in Borough Hall," Nicolosi said of Mary Ellen, swallowing back tears. "It's bittersweet."

The experience of Nicolosi, as well as other LGBT survivors across the U.S., was yet another reminder of the high stakes involved in the gay marriage debate, according to Brian Moulton, an attorney for Human Rights Campaign, an LGBT advocacy group.

"There are a host of legal protections for married couples that haven’t historically been available to gay couples," Moulton said. "It’s a whole list of safeguards like being able to inherit property from your partner without a will, taxes and custody of children that are at stake."

It was those protections that were sorely lacking in Nicolosi's case.

When Mary Ellen passed away, Nicolosi said she had to get permission to keep the Windsor Terrace home they had shared for years from her partner's family.

So it was with a mix of sadness and joy that brought Nicolosi to Borough Hall to witness a new day for LGBT couples, who on Sunday received not just a ceremony and a piece of paper, but an important amount of legal protection.

But it was still hard, she said. "It took a little bit of inertia to get here this morning."

Maybe it was that sense of determination, or a desire to celebrate a shared victory for LGBT people across the city and state, that seemed to propel Nicolosi, who carried a camera around her neck from room to room in Borough Hall, recording other people's happiest moments.

"The pain never goes away," she said. "But then, neither does the joy."